UNDERSTANDING

Though the word “Understanding” may seem to be a simple word, yet it’s the most complex and confused word in realising and “understanding” its true meaning in the context of one’s life and situations.

What/Whom to Understand?

How to Understand?

How to put my Understanding into practice?

These are just a few among the innumerable list of questions that may spring from one’s mind when you think of understanding a situation, a person, a relationship, a concept, a problem or a crisis, etc.

If each one of you had mastered the techniques of understanding, your life and the world would have become a better place, but again contemplating on where do you lack that “understanding” and how to master it would land you with the previous list of unanswered questions in your mind as to what/whom/how to understand?

So, first try to declutter your mind of all possible doubts and questions it may pose as it may become a barricade in preventing you from understanding the “Understanding”.

The First and foremost barricade to “Understanding” is “Lack of Understanding the Self”. Yes.. first of all, most of you wouldn’t have understood your likes, dislikes, your passion, your purpose, your goals, your ambitions, your strengths, your weaknesses, your priorities, etc completely. By this, I mean a deeper level of understanding and not a shallow or surface-level understanding.

Even in many of the staff interviews that I have conducted, I have seen most of the candidates struggle to answer the question, “Tell me about yourself”? They start narrating the details in their resume once again instead of talking about themselves. Of all the questions, this one would have been the most difficult for them as they haven’t understood themselves completely.

When you don’t have a complete understanding of yourself how do you expect others to understand you?

Have you ever observed how your body functions with respect to the food you take, people you move with, your shifts in energy levels, the connection between your physical, mental, emotional stuff and the Environment/ Nature, etc.?

There are infinite things within us and outside about which you may not have a complete understanding, then how can you expect complete understanding from your family, friends or any relationship?

So, as a first step, try observing yourself as to ‘Why you behave the way you behave?’, How you respond to people or situations and your deepest connection with yourSelf, the outside world and try to unwind the knots in “Understanding” yourself.

Lack of Understanding yourself and the Outside World traps you in the second barricade i.e. “Lack of Clarity”.

Understanding and Clarity go hand in hand..without one you cannot have the other. 

Unless you have clarity about the people or situations in life you cannot understand them. Lack of Understanding springs from Lack of Clarity.

To hone your clarity you must start observing yourself and the outside world and develop the habit of responding instead of reacting.

Well, now, you may have the next question in your mind, “Why do I react instead of responding?”

The answer is your “ Impatience”.

Impatience towards the situation or person to prove that you are right and the other person is wrong. It also arises from your self-defence mode to prove that you are right and the other person fails to “understand you”.

When you analyse the root cause of your “impatience” you may realise that it is a lack of clarity and lack of understanding the self. The same may be true and applicable to the other person in the scenario too. So try to give yourself and others the necessary time and opportunities to develop a sense of clarity and perception to respond well to the situation/ person(s).

The next barricade to “Understanding” is your ‘Fears and Expectations.’ 

Fearful incidents of the past or fear of future uncertainties may repeatedly keep playing in your mind, preventing you from understanding and enjoying the present moments in your life.

Expectations in a relationship or expectations of favourable results from the efforts you put in is like expecting to see the Moon on a New Moon day.

I am not of the opinion that you shouldn’t have any expectations. Expectations of favourable outcomes or expectations from any relationships are quite normal and human. But if expectations don’t turn into reality, you should be able to bounce back to normalcy by understanding yourself, others and the situations. Failure in getting the expectations to reality should not drive you into a state of depression or anger. That’s the reason I mentioned earlier about understanding yourself and honing your clarity instead of blaming others for misunderstanding you.

Next in line comes ‘ Taking care of yourself and setting your priorities and drawing the line of boundary for others’.

Mostly I have seen people (including myself before learning the lessons of life) who go to any extent in helping others at the expense of sacrificing their priorities of the day or sometimes even the priorities of their life.

You may have come across many housewives who have given up their genuine passion, just to take care of their family or due to objections from any or all the family member/s. In all these cases their love or concern for others, as they think, is more than their self-love and priorities.

Just like the proverb, “Charity begins at home”, ‘Love and Understanding also begins with you’.

Unless you love yourself, how can you love others? Even if you do so, at one point in time you would develop self-pity instead of self-love. This self-pity would make you think that you have sacrificed so much for others but no one understands you.

Same way, allowing yourself to be exploited by others would also break you down physically, emotionally and spiritually too. The result is that you may feel that ‘you have done so much for others but the other person hasn’t recognised or realised it and has hurt you.

All these misconceptions are due to the failure from your side to draw a boundary line for others in your life and lack of clarity in setting your priorities or lack of firm inclination in pursuing your genuine passion.

The next barricade to “Understanding” is “Lack of Acceptance”.

It’s never too late to move forward in life, if and only if you try to accept the situations and people in your life as they are, with an open mind so that you get to fuel yourself to move forward.

When you understand yourself you would also realise that stagnation in life is due to stagnant thoughts and misconceptions about others and the situations. This understanding helps you master the art of Acceptance so that you learn to accept others as they are, rather than arguing or fighting with others to change them as per your expectations.

As the saying goes, “If you want to change the World start with Yourself”, similarly, If you want ‘Understanding’ from others start ‘Understanding’ yourself from the core of your existence.

As Rumi said, “ Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself”.

Don’t expect the fruit of ‘Understanding without taking care of the root of ‘Understanding yourself’. If you take care of the roots, it would undoubtedly yield good fruits. Meditate, Read, Spend time in Nature, Observe to develop your levels of Understanding.

Understanding and changing yourself by adapting and adopting the circumstances, situations and the people in your lives is the Gateway to your ‘Eternal Happiness’.

“Understand yourself and Be Happy”.